somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
