he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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