You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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