Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize