dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
