You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
