its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
