if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
