i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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