"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
