i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize