I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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