Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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