I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
