Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
