im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
