i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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