Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just want nice things and good sex
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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