So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
