you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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