someone get that fucking seahorse.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
