if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
