he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
