im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize