and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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