I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
