I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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