Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I am available for nakedness
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
