Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
