Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize