Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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