I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
