went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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