i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
