you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Enjoy the penises
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
