I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
