y did u give ur computer a hand job?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
