well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
