I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
