You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
