I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's shark week go big or go home
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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