So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
