i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
