you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
