Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize