I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
