The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
