also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
