Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
