I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
