I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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