I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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