I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
