This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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