final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
