i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
