I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
