u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
