so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
