high people should be assigned attendants
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
