Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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