I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
