So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
