Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize