i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
