you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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