A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my phone needs a breathalizer
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
