I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
