i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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