As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
